The Humans Just Don't Get It....Do They...??

I was having an average day today.  Nothin special...just being me.  You know...snoozing, snacking, etc.  Suddenly the human female says, "Who wants to go for a drive?"

Well of course I DO.  I never pass up a chance to go for a ride in the car.  Well I prefer the truck because the adventures are usually more exciting (ie a trip to Home Depot at least. Sometimes even to Starbucks where I get to breathe the sweet aroma of caffeine...ooooh...love it!!)

Today it was (I thought) just a wee trip to the grocery store.  Of course I never get past the parking lot.  For some reason there is a rule about dogs in food stores....go figure!!!  But often my human will bring a new bag of treats so you know...I get a bit excited about this.

Anyhoo...there I am just snuggled on my big passenger pillow sniffing the air and listening to the human doing a cd sing-along, when suddenly for no apparent reason she pulls into the parking lot of not the grocery store - but the "small dog off-leash park".

"Surprise!!" she says, ruffling my fur.  "Ta da!!!  We're at the doggy park!!!"

If I've said it once, I've said it 100 times.  "The doggy park is full of DOGS!!  I don't like it here. They smell, they sniff me and they try to pounce and get me to run through the flea infested grass and take drinks of water out of the communal bowl.............yech!!!!!!!!!!!!  Please don't take me there..."

But they don't listen or for some strangely human reason they don't understand me.  What is it with these people??!!

I tried to humour her today.  After she insisted that I join her in the double fenced area marked "small dogs only" I could hardly not go in.  I don't like to be rude to my humans.  I know that somewhere in that teeny brain she means well.

So of  course...immediately that we enter, a little fox terrier named Johnny comes directly over to me.  "Step away from my butt..this is your final warning..."  I growl as ferociously as possible.

He gets my message and zooms off but  a pair of pugs zero in on me and I'm forced to run for my dignity.  I out-run them of course and they tumble into a sweaty pile of dog drool.

Finally my human and I do a lap around the park...only after I've had to nudge her several times as she tries to stop and talk to other dog "owners" about the cuteness of their smelly little canines....sheesh!!  I mean really...can you imagine a group of us standing around a garbage can full of poo talking about how irresistable our humans are...??!!

Eventually...and none too soon..we leave the park and drive to the nearest Starbucks.  Patiently I wait for my chance to lick the lid of the frappacino.......ah...moments like this make it all worthwhile.  Well - sometimes.............

I can SWIM!!!!

Yaa...my humans...gotta love em!!

They like to go on what they call "camping" trips but to be quite honest with you, I think they are slightly confused. Camping - as I (fairly intelligent species) understand it - is supposed to be "ruffing" it (haha a little dog humour) which means getting some poles and some breathy material and spending several minutes (or sometimes hours) creating an outdoor sleeping space (kinda like my little kennel only bigger of course). Then you get a flat rubbery flat thing and add air to it (sometimes with an automatic air blower thingy but sometimes by mouth if one human forgot to put in the auto blower). Eventually - depending on which method the humans have chosen to blow up the thing - it becomes a mattress that the humans sleep on with a little space on the bottom for the pet. Then the cooking is done outdoors on a little camp stove and they go to the nearest outhouse several times a day and they basically spend the entire time (rain or shine) out there with a nice warm fire at night....get it? (This is of course the nutshell version that I managed to look up)

Ya? Well not my humans...!! They get a luxury mobile full of things they call necessities:  microwave, queen size bed, fridge, freezer, lotsa cupboards (to store dog treats!!), furnace, air conditioning, TV (need I go on....?)  They are so cute but I really like the camping snacks so I don't call attention to their borderline stupidity.

Anyhoo...this time they visited some friends in a hot climate and these friends had a huge tub in their yard.  The humans climbed into it and were laughing and seemed to be having fun so I cautiously climbed up the little stairs and amazingly enough, the big tub was full of water.  At first I wondered if I should try to rescue them but I didn't really know how (becuz I'm not a St Bernard hahaha....oh sorry that's snow, eh).  Then suddenly the male human for some reason scooped me up and brought me into the water tub!!  I freaked......at first.  And then I happened to notice that my legs automatically started to do circular motions (which I've since found out is called paddling...hence the term "dog paddling". I always wondered what that meant...)  And I was pleasantly surprised at the nice coolness of the water on the hot dry day.  And Then it hit me that I was swimming!! YES...I can swim!!!!  Wooooo!! (see photo above of me swimming...I hate to admit it...but it was FUN!!!  Humans rule...and cats drool). CATS?? Did I say that out loud?!  I actually have a cat story...next time...

I Love Peanut Butter...

...even though it geth kinda thtuck to the roof of my mouf......aw...excuthe me for a minute...sorry...

Oh ya...if I was human I'd have my very own pb stash and I'd have some whenever I felt like it, which would  be often.  So what if I got as fat as a pug...I wouldn't care.

These humans...they always think they know what's best for me and they think they can read my mind. I don't know how many times I've asked for something specific from the store.  I see they are on their way and I look deeply into their eyes and ask for shrimp.  And what happens?  They come home with more of that crunchy chokey kibble.  They say it's good for my teeth.  Well ya, I guess so, eh.  But does it taste good?  How would they like it if they ate the same stuff day in and day out...Oh brother, I think I raved on about the food thing last time.  It's like I have a one-track mind or something.  Sorry.

This morning I was just relaxing on the landing when suddenly out of my peripheral, I saw a sneaky movement and behold!!!  There was a cat in my yard!!!!  I could NOT believe it.  It was casually walking across our patio as if it was entitled to be there.  I went balistic and it just sat there staring at me as if it was challenging me or something.  No fear.  I really had to do a lot of snarling and barking before it even budged, but eventually I scared it off.  Man I'm tellin ya...cats these days..they seem to have no respect.  What happened to the days when dogs had the total right of way?  No questions asked.  Dogs ruled and cats feared us.  When I was in obedience school one of my classmates had a big scar from a cat attack.  He warned us to be careful out there and at the time I thought he was exaggerating...but now....

Hmmm....the sun just came out and I think I might go bask for awhile...right after I have some more peanut butter....I wish.  Life's tough.  Oh boy.  My blankey awaits.........

PS....how do you like my grad photo?  I was at the top of my class and I worked very hard at getting my humans trained.  Unfortunately they still can't read my mind.

Bye for now, Georgia...(the dog?)

Guest Post by Georgia (the dog)

Another rainy day in May and here I lie on my luxurious pillow/bed which I can't really enjoy due to the socks I'm wearing. Ya I know. It's pretty ridiculous. They tell me to "calm down" or "walk slowly" as if...........

I'm a dog. I get excited when someone comes home. So I forget that the hardwood gets little scratch marks in it if I run. Sorreee!!! Excuse me if I'm happy to see you. That's my job isn't it? I'm cute, you teach me stupid tricks in exchange for dry and tasteless "treats" (I use this word loosely)...and I love you in return (unconditionally of course). I expect no favours (although would it kill you to stop at a butcher shop once in awhile for an occasional bone??)

I try to be calm and I really try to tiptoe when I pretend to chase my stuffed duck. But you know....life isn't easy around here. I get up in the mornings to the same old food while you eat exciting stuff that smells delicious. The short humans with the shrill voices visit us and pull my ears and I'M the one who gets bannished to the crate. Is that fair?

You make me walk in the rain even though I try to tell you it's not necessary because I already pooped in the old running shoe in the corner of the laundry room. Sometimes you even try to get me to wear that little red riding hood rain jacket. And that last haircut!! Are you kiddin' me??

Am I getting through to you at all....???