Sad Thoughts on Missing People....Originally written 4 years ago..!!

I know a lot of my sadness is due to my brother's passing.  It seems like now that we've celebrated his life I feel so much worse.  Being where he lived was sweet.  Experiencing the shower faucet that he installed backwards made me laugh and I don't think I would ever change it just because it was his handiwork.  Seeing notebooks with his handwriting brought a feeling of closeness and I had to look through his reading glasses just because.  I'm so glad he was loved by a woman and a family.  So happy that he had so many friends.  I don't know how I could miss him so much even though I hadn't seen him for almost 3 years.  But I do.  His memorial brought reality - proof that he is really gone. And although it was over almost 3 months ago now (his memorial) tears are still triggered by little things that remind me of him. I know this is normal and will go on for awhile.  Of course I don't want to forget him.  But I don't want to be eternally sad......

But >

There have been many times that I thought I would like more alone time to do some of my own stuff.  But now that I have that chance, I'm seeing that when you are missing someone, life is empty.    Not empty of furniture and accessories and things that make it a home.  But when you are alone in the house.  No one to talk to (except the dog who refuses to answer).  It doesn't matter if you have painted the walls and updated the furniture.  If no one is there to share it with, who really cares?  It could be a cardboard box or a warehouse with cinderblock shelving and bare light bulbs.  Having someone to share it with is the important part of life.  I think. Life makes more sense when we share.  Even if sharing includes bickering.  And apologizing if I was wrong (rarely...haha..!)

Loneliness is nasty.  It's loud and obnoxious.  It won't stop ringing in my ears.